A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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