I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
