I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
