You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Randomize
