He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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