is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
