yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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