Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I didn't notice because vodka
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
