I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
