Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.