I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!