ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
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My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.