Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
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