i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize