Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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