Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
