I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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