Plan B is the new Plan A
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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