Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
