I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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