I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
