she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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