Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
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My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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