I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
