I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
