Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
