I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
