His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
