dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She announced her abortion via fbk
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
