I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
