Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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