Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize