Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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