My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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