That's when you crack a 10am beer
Small penises have feelings too.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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