Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
