i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
