I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my liver is dry heaving
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
