It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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