Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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