you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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