at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Damn victory sex feels great
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
