so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
