Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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