this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
