The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
