Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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