haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
