wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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