we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
