mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
