Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
