For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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