You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
