i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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