I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
