U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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