Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
