did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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