batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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