Christians are straight up FREAKS
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
