I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
