i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
