is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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