Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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