glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
