either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
