My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
