i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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