I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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