Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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