Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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