i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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