I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
