It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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