How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
