I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
