If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
