I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
