Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
