I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
