$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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