I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
